In some countries, adoption is still considered to be something beyond social canons and traditions. People are supposed to think that only those who appear in this world from their own blood and bone could be their children in ‘original’ sense of this word.
Millions of people around the world have the same problem: they cannot have children. For most of them this symbolizes a big mental and psychological collapse, mostly for women according to the statistics.
We live in a world of global haste and aridity, constant and permanent stresses which make us weak and tired. Being in a hurry means that some aspects dominate in our individual life, and some we just do not take seriously. As an example new young generations of those who are 20-25 believe that first they need to build a strong economical ground before a family start. In some cases this ‘wellness-building’ marathon results into serious sexual and reproductive disorders when people cannot have a child.
Many families cannot have children due to medical conditions. And if previously women were those to be blamed, nowadays more and more men are found to be unable to conceive.
So what can they do? Just being alone before the end is a solution? Is adoption a really good way out to escape from the problem?
In some countries, adoption is still considered to be something beyond social canons and traditions. People are supposed to think that only those who appear in this world from their own blood and bone could be their children in ‘original’ sense of this word. So, adoption is a social and psychological problem for men and women. What is more, for example, in former USSR adoption was a hectic bureaucratic process which was impossible to complete. Second, lots of examples of the illegal adoption (when mothers sell their children or even their children’s organs) control people’s minds through media and form a negative image of adoption in our society. Media somehow feature adoption as an alien process which implicitly considered being strange by millions.
On the other hand, let us remind about the examples when even Hollywood movie and pop stars adopt young boys and girls… even those who have another color of skin. We can remember some American comedies when people adopt children from the orphan’s houses. What is more, the movies demonstrate the stereotype fears and prejudices people may experience before they finalize their decision to adopt a child. All these are positive examples of adoption in our society.
Well, the most suspicious readers will question these presuppositions. The first point against adoption could be featured as ‘bad genetics stereotype’ which means that children in the orphan’s house could be the children of murders, people who had mental problems, who are psycho pâtés, etc. In this way, in 10-15 years the family can have great problems due to the adopted daughters or sons (we have such stereotypes that the adopted children could have a bad social and genetic background, so even in the really aristocratic family they will have the features of their ‘bad’ parents who were burglars or alcoholics.)
The second point is that people cannot have mutual understanding with adopted children because they are not of the same bone, so they do not have the spiritual bond. Mothers and fathers are afraid of the fact that when they are old and retired; their adopted children will not help them to share the last days of their life. When children become older they are facing with the desire to know the truth.
Some couples are afraid of the fact that their adopted children will not understand their own history; they will be exploring their roots to find ‘biological’ parents. The third point is connected with bureaucratic aspects, as some people do not adopt because they think that they cannot facilitate this process taking into account a large amount of documents and money adoption may invoke.
However, we have lots of examples when even people who have 4 or 5 ‘biological’ children adopt new sons and daughters. In this way, they realize a good will and demonstrate human values in our society. When we adopt children, we share all our love and our private sphere with someone else. Of course, those who are egoistic cannot understand this, but humanism needs to be circulated. You can see happy smiles on the faces of famous people who have adopted African or Asian boy or girl. This means that people demonstrate love, kind-heartedness, and patience; they are ready to accept a new member from absolutely another culture in their own house, in their small family society. And what about the prices, adoption is normally much cheaper than lots of ‘supernatural’ operations and analyses, and examinations in the most prestigious hospitals in Europe, America or Japan.
As the experts say, human being is a construction of genotype and phenotype combinations. In this way, you don’t need to be afraid that your love won’t create your own children from not biological children taken from the orphan’s house. Vice versa. And your example could be very important to your friends and colleagues who also hesitate and cannot have the final decision whether to adopt or not.
Hence, millions of people cannot have children, and, on the other hand, there are millions of children all over the world who do not have their parents due to different reasons (not only due to alcoholism and jails). You can help to change this balance in a positive way sharing love and multiplying the values of humanism. Anyone who plans to adopt must be prepared to properly deal with the financial and other significant lifestyle commitments that will be necessary in order for parenting to be a success. Your commitment will be tested not only during the process but during parenting years and, in fact, all your life. Before you decide to adopt, be sure you are ready and able to give this child all the attention that he or she needs and deserves.
Author: Dmytro Blackbird