This article is being reprinted under the kind permission of the author – Barbara Rose Brooker

“Herb is great. He’s divorced. Successful and a successful lawyer,” India Berman assures me on the phone. “So go. It’s time for romance.”

“Divorced men are on the lookout for younger women,” I say. ‘‘Widowed men want you to sleep in their dead wife’s bed.”

“So go. He’s a great date,” India insists.

Anyway, I ponder if dating is harder as a widow or a divorcee?
Friday evening, Herb arrives. He’s one of those men who is ageless — fit, with short-cropped silver hair, suspicious hazel eyes. He looks like Tony Bennett. We get into his silver Mercedes that smells like new leather and from the radio Frank Sinatra sings “My Funny Valentine.” Through the side mirror, I notice Herb checking me out. He wears a cool black pinstripe suit, his blown out hair puffed up.

“India says you’re — 64?” he says after a while, changing lanes.

“Actually, I just turned 70. India lied.”

“Most women lie about their age,” he says with an irritated sigh. “How long have you been widowed?”

“I’m divorced,” I reply.

“India said that you’re a widow,” he peevishly says.

“India lied again. Guess she thinks that ‘widowed’ sounds better than ‘divorced.’ “

“Did you divorce him?” he asks in an imperious tone.

“No, he left. It was years ago.”

“My ex wanted the divorce,” he says, sighing.

Then he gets all sad sack. For sure he’s one of those I-love-my-ex-wife men, I think. So I change the subject and ask questions about his career. He’s a prosecutor, he informs me.

“I don’t believe in incarceration,” I say. “Poor kids thrown in the pen for drug charges and given life and turn into hardened criminals. Awful.”

“What do you want!” he shouts, jerking the car to a stop in front of the restaurant. “You want them running the streets and robbing and raping? You sound like a goddamn hippie!”

A waiter leads us down steep stairs, past photographs of movie stars and famous politicians, to a booth. Maybe a drink will loosen up his sudden solemnity, I think. We order martinis and immediately, the martini relaxes me and I order another one.

We make small talk — how many years divorced, kids, the good snow for ski season, political gossip, stuff like that. Then he pops vitamin pills.

“Doc can’t believe what good health I’m in,” he says, as if to no one, rapping his knuckles on the top of the table. “I look in the mirror and I say, ‘Herb. You’re a young buck.’ To hell with Viagra. It’s Viagra Falls for me.”

“The raviolis are great,” I say, trying not to stuff my face.

“My ex-wife and I eat here often.”

“So you and your ex are friends?” I ask.

He shrugs.

“My ex-wife would only have sex with me on Tuesday nights, the night before her hair extensions were changed.”

“What does she do?” I ask, after a grim silence.

“Lives off me. And plays golf.” He pauses. “She’s young —”

He shows me a picture of her. She’s blonde with hair extensions, fake boobs and an injected face.

“She looks like one of the housewives of Orange County,” I say, thinking he’s a bad boy boomer.

“I prefer dating widows,” he continues, on his second martini. ”They have money and aren’t so needy. Divorced older women want my money.”

‘‘Well, in this society, the only way some newly divorced or widowed women 60-plus can make money is to inherit, or fall in Safeway,” I say.

He glances at his watch. “I have an early morning tennis game. So I should get going.”

“Sure. Uh huh.” I ponder: If he was widowed, would he be different? More open for a relationship, or just the garden-variety jerk?

After dinner, we walk toward his car. He carries his leftover swordfish in a Styrofoam box. The moon forms a dim light in the sky. He has to get up early. He has a tennis game at 6.

In the car, he pops in three Tum’s tablets. He drives into the night.

Barbara Rose Brooker of San Francisco is the author of “The Viagra Diaries,” which has been optioned to HBO for a series starring Goldie Hawn. Her new novel, “Love, Sometimes,” is slated to be published in 2012. She can be reached at barbarrose@aol.com.

After the breakup of a relationship people tend to engage in a date race to see who will be the first to find a new dating partner. This practice is neither practical nor healthy and may lead to rebound relationships. Often people will become involved with someone that they’re not particularly interested in as a means to get back at their ex.

We’ve all seen examples of the date race game. He goes out with the sexiest girl he can find and his ex hooks us with a handsome guy that has a better job or more money. This type of reactive and emotional behavior only serves to indicate that one still cares about the person from the previous relationship. It seems the only logical reason as to why they would go to so much trouble. If the two people truly do still care about each other and want to be together then they should honestly state their feelings to each other and try to work out whatever problems caused their breakup in the first place. If they can’t do that on their own then they should seek professional assistance in the form of counseling.

If on the other hand, they don’t know what or who they want then becoming involved with someone on a purely superficial basis for the sake of trying to make an ex partner jealous certainly isn’t going to solve the problem since it lies within the individual. This is just a clearly emotional and immature reaction. Not to mention the fact that such behavior is unfair to the unsuspecting person in the third party position who probably doesn’t even realize that he or she is being moved about as a pawn in a romantic and manipulative game of date chess.

Sometimes such transparent motivations do backfire leaving the person who started the game out in the cold without the ex partner nor the present one. Such manipulative behavior usually does backfire and the repercussions can have long lasting effects that turn out to more than what one bargained for.

Instead of playing a series of date games in an attempt to pay back ex partners for failed relationships try to focus on a positive aspect of the breakup. Maybe the two of you just weren’t meant to be. Everything happens for a reason. The breakup of a relationship could be the opening of a door to something better for both of you. People come in and out of our lives all the time, for reasons we don’t always understand. Perhaps there was a lesson that you were meant to learn or one that you were meant to teach. Perhaps two people were brought together to bring a child into the world. We don’t always know why things happen the way they do but we can rest assured that they happen for a reason.

So if you’ve had a breakup, see it in a positive light and move forward optimistically. Learn to let go gracefully. Enjoy your newfound freedom. Don’t jump into the first relationship that comes along. Take your time and find the right person for you. The date race can seem like fun but the first to cross the finish line isn’t always the winner.

Divorce is never an easy process for anyone – even if it has been an amicable break up. But for many people who do finally split after a long period of time they have not been single for a large part of their adult life. So, how do you adapt to living on your own after being co-dependent on someone else for so long? It really can be difficult.

For many people who do go through divorce they will still have their friends, family and their children, but the solitude of being home alone can be very hard to deal with at times even depressing.

However, there are ways to deal with this and things to focus the mind – perhaps even lessen the heartache. What is important to remember is to take things slow. A quick fix usually does not work, although we are all different.

Remaining busy and occupied is one way to help concentrate the mind, but perhaps finding a new hobby or interest is more advisable than focussing your energy on the family (which will remind you of your partner). For instance, if you enjoyed a particular hobby in your younger years why not take it up again or learn a new one.

Attending classes for things like dance, art or photography etc are a great way of meeting new people, and ones who are interested in similar things to yourself, it also gives you the chance to network more and meet new friends. This can provide a small outlet to getting through what are very difficult times.

Furthermore, doing regular exercise can make you feel better while toning up, as endorphins are released and it can reduce some of you anxiousness. The increased energy can sometimes help create a new positive spin on things, which you can then apply to work life or relationships.

There will probably come a time when your friends bring up the subject of dating and to “get off the shelf”. If it does happen don’t be worried. Sometimes letting them set you up with someone is a way of gauging how well you’re doing and can quite often not be as bad as you think it will be.

However, if you don’t feel you’re at that stage yet, there are always online dating forums, sites and even applications on Facebook allowing you to meet new friendly faces. But it all comes down to doing things at your own pace – you now have to make decisions that suite you not anybody else, which can be harder than you think.

Alternatively, attending a speed dating evenings with some friends can be a good way of relaxing and meeting new people without feeling the pressure of having to make conversation in a bar, restaurant, pub or club.

Divorce as we’ve mentioned is tough on everyone, but it doesn’t have to be the end of your dating life, not by a long way. One final bit of advice is don’t think just because you’ve come out of one long–term relationship you have to jump straight back into another.
Finally, concentrating on making yourself happy can help overcome what has been a difficult past, and who knows could even lead you to finding the ultimate love of your life at last.

by David Stevenson

Good attitude has profound effect on your flirting efficiency. Highly sexed people think positively and live for the day. That is what makes them great flirts and great in bed. With good attitude, a simple online flirt session can turn into an exciting online adventure.

Unlike physical flirting where body language can be employed effectively, online flirting limits you to primarily text or streaming audio. Even with streaming video and audio, it is what you say that is the most priceless weapon in churning out flirty sentiments. But some information must never be shared. The first rule in cyber dating is to know what consists of personal information and keeping it personal.

Image source: www.interdating.ua

Internet dating is an exciting place to meet all kinds of singles. Some may find you attractive, while others may not. Some personals may turn you on, others may put you off. And so on and so forth. That’s online dating for you. So how does flirting come into play when you meet singles on the net? Well for starters, flirting in general is an exciting way for web daters to get to know each other in a playful manner. It’s a way of entertaining by using your wit to grab the attention of someone you fancy.

A flirtatious internet chat generates chemistry and at the same time builds good tension in your love buds. Since you never get to see the other person physically, many questions may run through your head. At times, you may not even have something useful to say. It happens even to the best of flirts. Remember internet dating is about making a connection with what a person has written in their online personal. Web flirting is about revealing that profile. If you perhaps look at from that angle, then you will realize that it’s simple as that.

Keep in mind that when online, your potential dates are always trying to answer the matchmaking question, “Do I fancy this person?” As soon as they get that answer, they may decide to move on or stay up and chat. It’s up to you to project a desirable persona and hope your chat mate sees it, or at least takes notice.

Here are some tips on how to be a great web flirt:

Provide Great Conversation

Every one has a story to tell, but not everyone makes great conversation. Keep the exchanges generally casual. Read books, watch movies or keep up to date with current affairs. In other words, develop knowledge and own this knowledge. Relate some these events into your chat session. In most cases, words are all you got so use them appropriately and to your advantage. By all means, try and say something that sparks interest. Do not bore your cyber mate with issues that have no bearing on what brought you to talk with them in the first place.

Describe your Image

Anything that speaks visual is good for an online flirt. Tease and titillate without being vulgar. A woman should understand and appreciate that an erotic description of her physical features is alluring to any man. If you have sulky lips like those of Angelina Jolie, say it. If you have been told you have a curvaceous figure, by all means let them know. Make the other person want to see you with their own eyes.

Ask Questions to Spark Imagination

Where would you take me for a dream vacation? Ask what he or she would like to do, if both of you were to go to some exotic destination. This will let you know if your web mate is fun to be with, or at least share the same interests with you. It’s also a way of getting to know the other person’s sense of life.

Ask them their wildest fantasy

Every normal person has a wild fantasy, especially when it comes to exploring sexuality and making love. Do not be afraid to reveal your fantasy. Deep down, the other person may feel obliged to reveal theirs also. Do not be shocked with what they might come up with, go along with it. After all, you will still keep your anonymous status. Whatever thoughts you may have about your chat mate are okay. Evidently, keep your fantasies real. For flirting sake, make the other person feel they can make them come true.

Keep an Open Mind

Keep your initial reactions about your cyberspace friend in check. Making wild and negative assumptions about the other web dater is sure way of killing a flirty chat. Allow them to reveal themselves. Everyone likes to talk about themselves, so let them do it and keep an open mind about it. Do not dirty talk, especially if it is your first time chatting up the other person. Build trust and show honesty in your words. Try and make the other person see the brighter side of whatever it is you are both discussing.

Free Spirit Attitude

A playful free spirit attitude will sure endear yourself to others, so do not lock yourself into a cocoon and think people will want to dig out the person you are. Having an optimistic frame of mind could mean you can push on ahead with anything that is important.

Sending the Right Vibes

Humans have an inbuilt system of responding to certain advances. Being a good flirt means you send the right vibes to the other person and hope for a favorable response. If you have loads of confidence oozing out of your every pore, the other person will definitely sense it. Be cautious though, some people appear to be confident in front of a computer than in the physical. If you are rather a shy person as far as love matters are concerned, then try flirting on the net. It will do wonders in boosting your confidence.

Be Humorous

Polite laughs during a chatty conversation are a great way of worming your way into their affections. Make them laugh by being a little naughty or suggestive, but avoid sounding obscene or vulgar.

Show Vulnerability

Women just love hopeless romantics unafraid to talk about their emotions and how their heart feels. As a man, you don’t want to seem desperate, just lovable. Play the innocent child and she will let you into her forbidden territory; that is her heart. Be careful with this, she might start falling for you. Women should learn to take matters of the heart with a pinch of salt and enjoy themselves as the chat conversation goes on.

Seek Attention

Talk about the future, like you see the other person in it. Do not make it a habit of nipping people’s attention and as soon as you have it, you advance to your next conquest. With flirting, you can always know if the person is good for you or not. If they are not what you are looking for, let them know early. Do not waste other people’s time, and certainly do not waste yours.

In conclusion, almost all women love being flirted with and appreciate a man who is skilled, while men just love women who flirt with a bit of grace and flair. It takes a little bit of creativity and skill to be playful with someone of the opposite sex. Becoming a good flirt is all about changing how you feel about yourself. A little flirting could go a long way in initiating contact in cyber dating. Yet you wouldn’t know how good or bad you at flirting if you do not try. All you need to do is at least try.

Source: http://www.trudating.com

I have to get on an online dating site, leave my apartment and then I have to meet guys and then I have to hope that this time, things will be different..

One of my saddest memories was the day we sold my horse, Magic. I didn’t name her Magic, my mom did arguing that since she paid for her, she got to have a hand in naming her. I wanted to call her Juliet so either way the horse was screwed. She was doubly screwed because shortly after we got her I realized that being the only one taking care of a horse and riding a horse and going to school at the same time was a lot of work.

So after a lifetime of begging for her, I lured my black Appaloosa into a trailer and tearfully watched as she was hauled off to a farm. Another sad time was when my pet cat Tiger ran away. I blamed it on getting my window screen fixed. I had cut a slit in it and trained Tiger to climb through it; his own secret entrance the other cat didn’t know about. The day my mom got it fixed he disappeared. I thought he took it as a symbol of my rejection, my mom thought he got eaten by a coyote. Neither was a comforting thought. There was also Henry my mouse, found stiff and dead in his sawdust one chilly morning. There was a rat, more cats, and a crayfish I was watching for a Korean student at my school one summer who seemed to evaporated but was more likely dinner for a cat. What I’m getting at is pet ownership is a direct route to tragedy. Just like dating.

Despite promises to myself not to bother with the dismal dating scene or the sticky web of a crush that always ends with me realizing I'm paralyzed from the neck down while the ugly love spider creeps over to destroy me...

I decided after watching so many animals disappear or die, and then pet-sitting for so many animals that croaked, their once bright eyes turning milky, their once plush fur in matted clumps, that I didn’t want to ever own another pet. It was too sad. If I wanted companionship I could turn on “Marley and Me,” experience the joy, hilarity, and ultimate sadness of having a pet, all from the safe distance of vicariousness. And why not do the same when it comes to love. Every single person I have ever kissed, loved, dated, wanted, fantasized about, and needed has, if not immediately, eventually been unrequited. That’s a 100% disappointment statistic. And don’t they say that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over while expecting different results? If that’s true, continuing to date makes me a crazy person, and not just by default.

Going through all that hope and inevitable heartbreak is enough to drive a person mad. It’s what’s led me to read an incredible amount of something into a miniscule amount of nothing. It makes me reword texts nine times before sending. It makes me brainwash myself into believing I don’t care before a date to the point of exhaustion. It makes me someone even I wouldn’t want to date. So when I’m not in the mood for Marley, I put on, “50 First Dates,” or, “When Harry Met Sally,” or season 2 of, “Buffy,” and enjoy a romantic (vicarious) night in.

The catch of course is being a human being. Despite promises to myself not to bother with the dismal dating scene or the sticky web of a crush that always ends with me realizing I’m paralyzed from the neck down while the ugly love spider creeps over to destroy me, hope – that nasty weed – sprouts up unexpectedly and makes me go, “Well, maybe this one last time.” I can avoid trips to the human society but unless I get used to take-out and a job as a phone sex operator, I have to get on an online dating site, leave my apartment and then I have to meet guys and then I have to hope that this time, things will be different. Because insanity is one thing that can’t be experienced vicariously.