Sexual freedom or slavery?

Please read the two paragraphs below. They are comments from a woman and a man, both divorced and thinking about new relationships.

“Right after the divorce with my husband I feel like there is nothing left to do, nothing can excite me enough to start feeling alive again. After some time passed I realized that I am still alive. Sleeping feelings wake up and one day I just thought I am free and can do whatever I want.”

“There are so many beautiful women around. I am an experienced man now and its the right time to take everything from life that I can. Maybe one day I will find a woman to have a serious relationships again but now I am just enjoying…”

Let’s take a closer look at both people. They have experienced the unpleasant moments that goes with almost every divorce. Like most people in this situation they experience negative feelings, humiliation, lack of respect, broken hopes, lack of self-esteem and general disappointment.

There are two popular and most dangerous scenarios of behavior right after a divorce. First, is to condemn yourself, hammer all your feelings and put yourself into a deadly corner. This situation we’ll discuss in a different article.

Now the second scenario. It’s about so called sexual freedom.

Let’s recall, what is freedom? Anybody know? Well, summarizing what has been said we can presume that freedom is the ability to do things, bearing full responsibility for their consequences. Did you ever think that you have freedom or free will not only “to do” something but also “not to do”. Not to do things that you certainly know will bring you undesired fruit?

The general motive for shipping off into the open ocean of sexual relationships is to hide from yourself, to escape from the reality caused by separation with your ex-spouse. Psychologists say that most people who use sexuality after divorce as an escape come back with even more difficult feeling, a deeper emotional gap.

Some people continue to change partners until they loose a sense of why and what they are doing. Having a new partner becomes almost the same as having a cup of coffee in a street café. And if we look inside of a person - there will be the same emptiness they experienced right after their divorce.

So what’s going on with our two divorced people? They are dating after divorce and enjoying their freedom. At least they think they are. In the meantime it is very easy to forget how to build a serious relationship, just practicing “free love”.

Of course, it is up to you to decide what to do with your own life. One thing that seems to be right, calm down, sit and talk. Have a wonderful conversation with yourself and consider several things. First, what do I want from my future? Do I want just to be alone, to practice sexual freedom and be alone, or do I want somebody next to me warming up my soul not the flesh only?

These questions look tough to answer especially after everything you’ve been through, but in the depths of your heart you certainly do know the answers to them. Just be brave and don’t tell lies to yourself.

Be critical and realizing the consequences of the things you do, or intend to do, helps you avoid unpleasant things and enjoy the real freedom of being the master of your future.

By Yuri Yeleyko