When I first went through divorce, I was shattered to death…
Divorce is done and you are a free man now. The process of divorce can be long and exhaustive but in the end it leaves such effects on the mind of a person that it shakes the living day of that person. When I first went through divorce, I was shattered to death. I just wanted to sit back at home and mourn on the loss of the woman whom I loved and wanted to spend my life with. But destiny had something else planned for me. After the divorce and a few initial days of mourning, I finally moved on. It is a difficult thing to do for any man because we men are encoded in such a way that things like, “let go” and “move on” is something we take a lot of time to implement. But once I implemented them, life was never so beautiful.
After my divorce, the first thing I wanted to do was to forget everything about the person who brought the demon of divorce in my life. In order to forget it, like any other man, I also planned to get into a relation with a nice girl and give a fresh start to life, but then I realized that if I get into a relation immediately after divorce, then I will end up doing the same mistakes that I did in my last relation. So I took time to settle down in life. I started to think about all the things that lead my marriage to divorce and the things that surprised me was that I had also was equally responsible for wrecking my life. Once I had known the reasons and the root cause of the conflict, I started making those changes in my life. After a complete make over session of 3 months, I slowly and steadily though of dating and was curious to get into a relationship. However, getting into dating is not an easy job, especially, if you are doing it after so many years of married life. If you are planning to begin dating after divorce then I would suggest you to give some time till you settle down and spend quality some time with yourself. One of my friend had also faced the bruises of divorce, and the only thing he was worried about was staying alone after all this years of married life. Men often make this mistake of jumping from one relation to another after divorce. This will make things worse for you because there are chances you might end up again with someone who might be exactly like your ex-wife. There is no point getting into a relation that will initiate the vicious cycle of marriage and divorce.
I have met many people who often try to fix things with their spouse or go to such extent to hurt them by dating someone whom you are certain will upset them. This is wrong, you have to let go and start fresh. Digging old graves will not help in any way and it is only going to hurt you. I mean whats the point doing this when you can think of some way of leading a happy life. According to a survey done by a men’s magazine, many women voiced their opinion that they find it weird to find a man who is never married as opposed to a guy who is divorced. This survey was an eye opener for me and it gave me a fresh adrenaline to start dating again.
Bring some change in your life. . Since you had been into a relationship for quite some time it would be difficult for you in the initial phases to adapt to thee circumstances. We men have this tendency to let ourselves go when we are in a serious relationship. Now you are single and it is the best time to make chances in yourself. Get a nice hair cut, join a gym and try to engage yourself in something that you always wished to do. Doing this will raise your self confidence and will make you more desirable. Go for some shopping, buy some flattering new clothes that make you look good.
Single guys face problem talking with women. This can create an issue for women when they go out to meet men. And all they end up with is meeting guys who cannot even strike a conversation properly. You can work this in your favor as I did. Been married before gave me an advantage as I had the experience of living with a women for 5 years and that made me super comfortable talking with women. When I started dating again, it worked as my biggest advantage.
When I got divorced I held a lot of grudges against my spouse but then I realized that my first relationship was the best, and I cannot come to terms with getting off it. Your first serious relationship is like the first showers of the monsoon. It excites you as you are all set to begin a new chapter of your life. Everything feels so inconsequential; and in a way, that’s how you should view it. Use it as a learning experience and thrust yourself back into the game.