When you are being mentally abused by a man it can be very confusing to you. He may tell you that you are lazy and good for nothing one minute, then turn around and make you feel wonderful the next. He may talk down to you, but talk to everyone else around you like a perfect gentleman. He may say things that make you feel bad about yourself and make you feel like the one who has a problem – not him. So with all this confusion it can be hard to figure out what will make him stop, and whether you should keep putting up with it.
There are many people who will tell you that fixing communication in the relationship and recognizing each other’s differences will help solve the problem. This is why many abused women feel so conflicted. They feel that they should be able to solve the issues by fixing the way they talk to their partner or understanding where their partner is coming from. They start to feel like they are the ones not accepting their partners for who they are, and that makes them the real problem in the relationship.
The most important thing to remember is that he is the one with the problem. You are doing nothing wrong. An abusive relationship cannot be fixed by communicating better as he has issues that need to be fixed, not just communication skills that need work.
The problem is not going to be fixed until he addresses the reasons why he is being mentally abusive to you, and fixes those issues. He needs to recognize when he is being abusive and learn healthier ways of dealing with anger or stress or any other negative emotion in his life. This process might be slow, but if he sticks with it hey may be able to change.
While he does this you need to start putting yourself first again, like you did before the abuse. You need to take care of yourself, build up your self-esteem, and love every bit of yourself for who you are. Until he can stop abusing you, you need to separate yourself from the relationship so that your self-worth doesn’t diminish any further.
If you come to realize that he is not willing to change, or even try to change, then you should leave him. If you think that it’s too hard, or too late, to move on from a mentally abusive relationship, then think again. Many women have left their long-term relationships to find something better for themselves. The truth is that you can stay miserable for the rest of your time with him, or you can move on and find happiness with the time you have left in life.