by Dmytro Blackbird
Love and lust are two both close and, on the other hand, opposite emotional states based on the psychic reactions. These are two faces of the human emotionality. Sometimes, it is even difficult to differentiate these two notions in ordinary life—strong love can absorb lust elements and lust can have some parts of love. All these feelings are based on the emotional bonds between two people. This emotional connection means the desire of having power on other person, on the one hand, and the desire to be a part of someone’s life, on the other. Lust and love are two emotional sisters that could have similar reactions. Anyway, what are the basic differences? And when, if this can happen, lust means love?
Firstly, love is based on three main emotional components: understanding, fidelity, and psychological sympathy. First, understanding is the most powerful matrix as without this feeling love can be easily converts into lust. Love means democratic relations and liberalism in dating or family life. Love is oriented to the Otherness as the main mental category. For real love, it is important to have the opinion and thoughts of your partner and not just your will. When your will becomes the overwhelming principle—then love becomes lust. Understanding means attentiveness and ‘emotional prudence’. Understanding is the controlling device which helps for two people to have a private sphere, to be independent and, on the other hand, to share the intimate sphere of your partner. Without understanding, love can be like a hurricane or volcanic eruptions of emotions that can destroy people’s lives. It is the most powerful shelter for egocentric reactions. When you have understanding, you will never inhabit what is not yours even it belongs to your close person. This factor is the key moment in family life if you want to have long, lovely, and bright family.
Second, fidelity is another key principle for couples who want to share the atmosphere of love. It helps to be fair and confident in your mind. Fidelity means emotional clearance and never has any black holes in your life. Love family atmosphere is impossible without the ability (or sic! — skill) to say truth even when it can reveal something not pleasant. It helps to build strong psychological relations between people to live in peace and understanding for many years. Most families experience crucial moments when the family life tends to be like a game ‘Find the truth’, when it has so many secrets and skeletons in the wardrobe, when family partners have their very private sectors, and they never tell each other about this. In this way, family can be practically destroyed because the private life occupies all the territory in your mind. In some years, love becomes the atavistic feeling from the past life that never can be renewed.
Third, psychological sympathy means similarity between two people in their views, lifestyle and life experience. On the other hand, sometimes two different people can have a wonderful family life. This situation demonstrates the rule when minus-atoms catch plus-atoms to create harmony. Harmony is the practical result of this psychological sympathy as it means lack of any form of aggressiveness, intolerance, or unfairness. According to the Indian myths, each person born on the earth has his o her second part. From the Bible, we see that Eva was born from Adam’s body. In this way, the psychological sympathy is the very important key to create a strong and happy family. It happens that people on the one hand have a sympathy and close views, that they love each other—but the result is family breaking. To find your second part is the essential moment because only this psychological sympathy could prevent you from transformation of your love into lust.
Lust, in fact, is the opposite system. It is based on strong emotional reactions and powerful sexual desire which is controlled by will-to-power. All people have their Ego which involves them in battles for power (and not only in the political sense but also in everyday family life.) We see various movies and ads when men and women are fighting to control the place in the house—either near the TV or in the kitchen. Lust deals with power and will motivations, as when you want to dominate and control your partner, you subconsciously become the victim of your lust. Lust does know the logical categories, it is volcanic and uncontrolled. You perceive your partner as the object that can be used for sex or other functions. Anyway, if you (perhaps sometimes it seems to be so) have the extraordinary love feeling, it does not mean that you have a real love based on understanding, fidelity, and psychological sympathy. Overwhelming love becomes a destroying power that neglects all attempts to understand your second part. Sexual motivations can be also very strong, but the desire of having sex cannot be compared to the real desire to be loved. Being loved means love for your second part too. It is a harmonic and two-faced reality with the same rules for two sides. When you think that she or he is just an object for manipulations in your hands, then you demonstrate the behavior of lust.
Lust is a spontaneous desire without any future perspectives. It can happen in a second and result in serious mistakes that can crucially ruin the family life. Love is the philosophy of heart and lust is just its physical ability or the potential measure of human emotional intelligence. To conclude, love is a long-distance process which involves not only emotions but cognitive systems and moral values. Love’s main basements can de explained as understanding, fidelity, and psychological sympathy. On the other hand, lust is the up-to-this moment emotional act which neglects moral categories. Lust is controlled by power and will with no moral borders. It demonstrates human ability to control and to get satisfaction. In this way, your partner becomes just an object for manipulations. Family life can never be built on lust but love is the essential.