Finding a husband or a wife really isn’t all that hard. Finding a mate that you will still be happy waking up with 25 years from now is just a little more difficult. The online world is filled with matchmaking and dating websites to help you find a life partner. And while some of us might be comfortable printing up flyers with photo and requirements, and passing them out on every street corner, your friend might have better luck using online dating services. Whatever the method you choose, it is important to separate the myths from the facts while you are looking to find a partner for life.
Many singles insist that they will not compromise in order to find their soulmate. And they shouldn’t. Compromising is not the same as narrowing the criteria that you are using to find a mate. Compromising on important things like deeply held religious beliefs, the role of each person in a household, or how to handle money matters will be disastrous in the long run. Your core beliefs are what make you unique and you must have a mate whose core beliefs are in line with your own.
What you don’t want to do is have such a narrow vision of your potential husband or wife that you automatically exclude other eligible singles who may actually be perfect for you. Most often, this is referring to physical traits that you feel you must have in a mate. For women, your vision may be that he must be tall, athletic, of a certain racial or financial background. For guys, it may be about physical beauty, her skill sets as a mother or even her agreeable disposition to your sense of style. But while it is important to be attracted to your potential mate physically, in order to find a husband or a wife it is equally important to open yourself up to new possibilities. “Does he/she make you laugh?” may be more important in the long run than “Can I always wear heels?” or “Will she stay this sexy forever?”
There is One Soul Mate for Everyone
If this were true, there would be a lot of lonely people in the world. Just as Ben and Jerry’s New York Superfudge Chunk might be the right ice cream at one point and Chubby Hubby might be right at another, different dating partners can be “the one” at different points in our lives. The bad boy surfer who was perfect for you straight out of college may not be so attractive ten years into a relationship when he refuses to grow up and get a real job or the sweetheart of a girl that you were attracted turned out to be a shopaholic in disguise. Just because you’ve been in love before, don’t give up and think that they are the only person in the world for you. Once you’ve given up your idea of what your “type” is, you may find that there are more potential mates out there than you thought.
This may be true for magnets, but not for people. In a committed, long term relationship, people with similar values and lifestyles appeal to each other. You don’t want someone who is exactly like you, but one who shares enough of these important qualities so that you can build a harmonious life together. Finding a mate involves soul searching and honesty when it comes to what really matters. Don’t look for a person to complete you — look for one that will compliment you.
You Get What You Expect
What you put out to the world has a large effect on what you receive. If you don’t take care of your health or appearance, expecting that your true love will be able to see past these physical things, you will attract people who truly don’t care about appearance — either in others or themselves. If you are trying to find someone who takes care of themselves enough to be around in your old age, you must seem like someone who does the same. You don’t have to primp or prep yourself up when going to the gym, but make sure you are neat and well groomed.
Many times, it is an imperceptible change in attitude that can make the difference. When you open yourself up to relationship possibilities, your stance may be straighter and your face more inviting and you will find yourself more attractive to the opposite sex. This is not the same as being seen as desperate. Desperation is quickly apparent and people tend to run when they get a whiff of it. Confidence in your worth, your abilities, and your attractiveness will go a long way toward finding an equally comparable life partner.
You Must Look for a Partner the Way You Look for a Job
If you are focused on finding a husband or a wife, you will find opportunities in many more places. When you are looking for a job, the best advice is to tell everyone you know about your skills and what you desire. They can then look in their circle of friends and beyond to try to help you make the connection that will get you the perfect job. This is also the best way to find a mate. Ask friends and colleagues to look for someone who they think would be a good match. Be prepared to “interview” many potential candidates. The law of averages shows that you must meet many singles before you find one who is right for you.
In today’s world, many jobseekers turn to the internet in their search. This can also be a great place to meet available singles. Online matchmaking services like PerfectMatch.com and eHarmony.com have an advantage over random meetings in that both parties are actively looking for a connection. Look for a service that attracts people who share similar values. Of course, just as you might go to a conference in your field when looking for a job, attending events that interest you can help in finding a true love. If you value charity, join an organization that builds houses for people. Expand your circle to include people who might have marriageable friends or colleagues, join a new gym, or enroll in a class. The more singles the activity attracts, the better.
Finding a true soulmate means that you have to make this a goal and try to focus your search on places or people who can help you meet the kind of singles who are right for you is key. Reevaluate your notions of the “perfect mate”, and you might just find husband/wife material sitting next to you on the train or at the next dinner party.