by Dmytro Blackbird
Freedom in family life tends to be a serious problem, perhaps sometimes. Family is a model of coexistence which could be explained as unity in diversity. This topic has been discussed in many books on family building and social communications. This new notion means that family unites the efforts of two people who share the same views and spread love. Anyway, people even in a family life make mistakes: they behave not in a proper way keeping something in secret from their partner; they can say untruthful things and demonstrate arrogant or inappropriate feelings. All this can easily ruin a family life. How strong family can be operated? What are the factors which make family to be superb?
The answer to this question could be found if we understand the essence of the notion ‘family freedom.’ Nowadays we talk so much about personal independence and personal behavior. This means that each person has a unique lifestyle, and when people meet each other, they should be ready to find common language. But people could coexist not only because they are independent and unlike but because they construct a system of tolerance and mutual understanding. Freedom should be based only on the philosophy of understanding and sharing of personal emotional atmosphere.
What are the boundaries that make people stay free and be together in family life? They are very subtle and to some extent illogical. Maybe some psychologists can say that such boundaries are unique, and all families construct their own type. I would like to suggest the word ‘holistic mind’ to explain this phenomenon. Holistic means based on unity in diversity. Holistic philosophy presupposes that the formula 1+1 not always gives ‘2’. Sometimes, happen ‘nuclear’ reactions and new substances are born in the result of this reaction. Family life is a good example of this holistic social mentality: people in the family create a holistic world based on shared emotional intelligence of the family organism.
When you come home after a tedious working day and you are absolutely off your strength, you illuminate love to your partner; you should be kind and polite. And even (sometimes this happens) when you do not have power to be extremely kind-hearted, your partner understands this lack of emotions due to the working eruption. Your partner even if she or he is also tired, will find a word of love for you. And then your heart will evaporate the same love and understanding.
When partners are free and interconnected at the same time? When do they behave independently taking into account another opinion at the same time? First, when they share the same family mind. This means that family partners know that they can trust each other and be natural. We all live in masks, and sometimes masks become our faces. But at home all the masks should be taken off, and only hearts should speak. Second, people should live in the atmosphere of love. You know that when you love somebody you will never hurt him of her. When you demonstrate the real volcano of true emotions, then your partner can be free that even in the hottest season she or he can be safety. A true feeling is a key to strong families. Finally, the most successful families demonstrate a great intention to the future. This is a very important point to create a prospect of the future shared together with your partner. When you want to start your new day with someone else, then this means that you are ready to have a strong family and you really share your life and your time with your love person.
Sometimes, you can see on TV videos or movies about beautiful old couples who talk about their personal experience of staying together for a long period of time. These not young people have been living for 40 or 50 years in the same house. Whey have never been abroad or never experienced any supernatural emotions or extreme stresses. What they say is that the main family point is connected with the ability or desire to live for future. These couples are ready to meet new life everyday, they prepare themselves for new life experience and they are grateful for this. Anyway, they meet these new unexpected experiences together smiling and kidding as youngsters. A man who has been a husband for 50 years demonstrates in these movies unnatural power of love to his wife as a lad of 20 years old.
I remember one Polish film about a man who escaped from the Nazi machine in the 40-s. The war period destroyed the best years of this guy. However, the final episode in the movie demonstrated a lovely atmosphere of mutual understanding of two people who are deciding in the video which country to visit this year. Such a marvelous couple (they have 180 years together) travels despite all geographical distances and visa difficulties. Some years ago they visited Cuba, Peru, Galapagos, and now they are spinning the globe to find the right place to stop for a month. They travel together and illuminated great love in each moment of their life. What is the secret? They are independent in the unity. They understand that on average people live up to 70 or 80 years in European countries. Living together they enlarge the hypothetical number of the days spent on the earth. Living as a family they make everything possible to stay on the planet as long as they can. Love makes them be young and smile when they meet a new day. To my mind, this model of family coexistence is really astonishing and even appalled.
Freedom in family keeps people mentally and physically strong. But this power comes when two people believe each other and rely on each other. Control makes people be weak and vice, offensive and arrogant in the family life. The ideal model is based on mutual understanding, love, and ability to smile every day when the sun arrives.