Playing the dating game after divorce

Divorce is never an easy process for anyone – even if it has been an amicable break up. But for many people who do finally split after a long period of time they have not been single for a large part of their adult life. So, how do you adapt to living on your own after being co-dependent on someone else for so long? It really can be difficult.

For many people who do go through divorce they will still have their friends, family and their children, but the solitude of being home alone can be very hard to deal with at times even depressing.

However, there are ways to deal with this and things to focus the mind – perhaps even lessen the heartache. What is important to remember is to take things slow. A quick fix usually does not work, although we are all different.

Remaining busy and occupied is one way to help concentrate the mind, but perhaps finding a new hobby or interest is more advisable than focussing your energy on the family (which will remind you of your partner). For instance, if you enjoyed a particular hobby in your younger years why not take it up again or learn a new one.

Attending classes for things like dance, art or photography etc are a great way of meeting new people, and ones who are interested in similar things to yourself, it also gives you the chance to network more and meet new friends. This can provide a small outlet to getting through what are very difficult times.

Furthermore, doing regular exercise can make you feel better while toning up, as endorphins are released and it can reduce some of you anxiousness. The increased energy can sometimes help create a new positive spin on things, which you can then apply to work life or relationships.

There will probably come a time when your friends bring up the subject of dating and to “get off the shelf”. If it does happen don’t be worried. Sometimes letting them set you up with someone is a way of gauging how well you’re doing and can quite often not be as bad as you think it will be.

However, if you don’t feel you’re at that stage yet, there are always online dating forums, sites and even applications on Facebook allowing you to meet new friendly faces. But it all comes down to doing things at your own pace – you now have to make decisions that suite you not anybody else, which can be harder than you think.

Alternatively, attending a speed dating evenings with some friends can be a good way of relaxing and meeting new people without feeling the pressure of having to make conversation in a bar, restaurant, pub or club.

Divorce as we’ve mentioned is tough on everyone, but it doesn’t have to be the end of your dating life, not by a long way. One final bit of advice is don’t think just because you’ve come out of one long–term relationship you have to jump straight back into another.
Finally, concentrating on making yourself happy can help overcome what has been a difficult past, and who knows could even lead you to finding the ultimate love of your life at last.

by David Stevenson