Family life is oriented to be as long as possible. Families are created by two people who want to share their emotions, losses, happy and unhappy moments. People who become a husband and a wife believe that they will never offend each other, they will never have their private secrets, or they will be always sincere and true with the partner. At least, the initial intentions to get marry sound that way, but…
Anyway, the statistics show that each year thousands of people pass thought the divorce process. Official statistics demonstrate that there is a regular increase in the rate of divorces all over the world. What are the reasons for divorce? I shall try to explain the answers from the ‘mature’ man viewpoint. The grounds for divorce are really different and I cannot provide any unique panorama which covers all the cases. Anyway, as the family experts and sociologists say, a large number of causes of divorce are connected with psychological misconnections in the family, physiological disorders, and lack of mutual understanding between the partners.
First ground for divorce.
“She does not love me!” This is the most common reason for separation. How often you have heard this in your life? In different movies and in the news, you see the divorce processes in which one says that he or she wants separation because their partner does not express sympathy; he or she is not in love with the partner. This means that when a man comes home and he meets his wife, he wants her to fly as a butterfly around him saying, “Hi, my dear!” However, some man consider that their wives should say, ‘Hi my darling!”, “Hi my honey”, or just “Yes, Sir! Yes, my boss!” Men sometimes believe that only they have a really dreadful job and only they could be really tired after the working day.
In our society, we have such a segment of men who think that only men can earn money and women when they sit at hoe they do nothing. Housework means nothing in their viewpoint. And this is a cause of divorce. So the problem is the next one: can men really appreciate the work of their wives? Maybe sometimes women are so badly tired after all this washing, cleaning, and ironing that they just cannot pretend to be happy. And in this case a man should be the first to say, “Hi! How are you? I love you so much! I’ve missed you today!” Men are supposed to be busier in our life, they have difficult stresses. They are supposed to be strong and brave to get money for their family. Sometimes, this makes them become family patriarchs and ‘dictators’ who do not understand the values of family life. They think that their wife is a property, and their possession is omnipotent. And this can be resulted in a divorce.
Second ground for divorce.
“She does not want me!” Sexual life is the essential part of the family life. Maybe you know a man saying that he has left his wife due to her lack of participation in a physical relationship with him. He has not had ‘relations’ with her in over several years and, finally, moved out of their bedroom two years ago. It was important for him to have his needs met inside of the marriage and when his wife was unwilling to ‘accommodate’ him he grew more and more frustrated until he got to the point where he felt leaving was his only option.
Anyway, family is not only ‘physical operations’, and wives are not ‘sex machines.’ Some men have the hypersexual activity, and when they are not satisfied with their private life, they can look for someone else. Some men are sure that divorce is a way to find a more beautiful lady. In this way, husbands disguise their wives; they find young ladies to pass the night saying that they have been working all the night with the boss in the office finalizing the calculations of expenses and profits. The psychologists say that when a couple is experiencing issues in the bedroom it is the responsibility of both parties to address the problem. It isn’t fair for one person to expect the other to abstain from sexual activity just as it isn’t fair for one partner to demand physicality from the other when they are not providing them with the emotional support they need. Both partners need to take responsibility for their part in the problem and the whole issue needs to be addressed and dealt with before one of them does something that will ultimately cause the marriage to fail.
Third ground for divorce.
“She does not care of me!” Again, this problem happens rather often. Sometimes, men in the family life behave as if they were noisy children, and their wives play a role of the mother. Some psychologists divide all the male beings into two categories: ‘men-fathers’ and ‘men-children.’ The second category wants always to run the show, to be in the centre of family attention. Their wives are obliged to wash their closes, clean their houses, water their plants, and feed their pets. These men are so self-concentrated and self-oriented as small arrogant and nasty children. This is also a reason for separation.
Fourth ground for divorce.
“She is flirting with others!” Sometimes, men want their wives to be their own legacy. This means that a woman or a lady does not have a right to smile with another men, she cannot speak to someone else (and they do not mean flirting). The control from her husband’s side is enormous in such a case. What is more, men consider their wives to be so sexually attractive, so that they can betray them. Suspicious and jealous husbands believe that all men want to get their fairy ladies. This situation often becomes a serious reason for divorce.
Fifth ground for divorce.
Some men also do believe that all women want to get their property, and being in a marriage is the only way for the ladies to obtain financial and social status. In a year or even in some months, then want to get a divorce and a half part of their husband’s property and bank account. This sort of men is very suspicious to all financial operations of their wives. They control all their private economic steps. In fact, such ‘financial jealousy’ provokes divorces because a woman does not feel the status of being independent. Even family is a cooperation of two people, the psychologists say that each one in the family should have her or his ‘private room’ (as Virginia Woolf wrote).
The causes of divorce could be really different. Sometimes the husbands experienced the situation of divorece of their parents, and this influences their mind also. Some men didn’t see their fathers and ware raised by a stepfather who cared more about keeping up appearances than building a relationship with yuong male children. All this may cause a problem in the family life. Anyway, sympathetic understanding and true love should be the main reason against divorces.
Author: Dmytro Blackbird