Have you been matchmaker ’ed? Are you tired of having friends read the personal columns to you out loud? Are people constantly trying to get you to join the dating agencies or singles groups? Anyone who is single and alone is bound to have had a well-meaning parent or friend try to be a matchmaker and fix them up with someone who they think will fit the bill.
When I was single, my mother, bless her, would go off on one, usually about someone’s son, brother or cousin who, due to a change in circumstances, was now single and on the market for a ‘nice woman’ to date (Of course she really meant marry).
I would have to endure months of hearing just how wonderful this ‘nice young man’ was. Never mind that we were both in our forties and, having been through the marriage game, were more cautious and quite happy to be enjoying our freedom. No, she felt that we would both be ‘better off’ together. “Why don’t you phone him and ask him round for tea?” she would say. Or, when I was struggling to mend something or shift something beyond my capabilities perhaps, “Why don’t you ask that nice Mr X to come over and give you a hand, I’m sure he would help you”. Her remarks barely concealed her eagerness to get us together in a personal relationship, leading to an engagement and eventually marriage. She just couldn’t conceal her enthusiasm, and when I rejected her suggestions she would remark that I “Deserved to be alone”.
“I’m quite happy by myself” I would tell her. “I like my own company,” “I’m too busy to have a relationship and it would prevent me from doing my own thing”.
I suppose now, from the safety of the arms of someone loving, I was too nervous of getting into yet another disappointing relationship. One day I woke up and felt a gaping hole where a relationship might be. I acknowledged the emptiness I felt inside and honestly thought about what was missing from my life. I decided that I had tired of being on my own and that I would give myself some homespun advice. You know, the kind of advice that I was always giving to other people. Do you know what? It worked.
From the time that I started using my mind instead of my emotions to find a new partner I didn’t need anyone else meddling in my life to find someone for me. As soon as I admitted, “Who are you kidding, you know that you long to be loved and to have a deep meaningful mutual relationship with a nice kind person”, I started to move closer towards it.
Now that I have changed my outlook and my behaviour, I have had to learn to be more selective, because I am now much more in demand. Now that I have made time for other people in my life, I find that people are flooding in. In hindsight I realize that I had been ‘single and sad’, but I was so scared of meeting people in case they turned out wrong for me and then I had to start all over again, that I had convinced myself that I was ‘single and satisfied’.
I decided to think long and hard about the kind of man that I wanted to meet.
For me, it was necessary that he was a fellow businessperson, or professional, so I joined the local Chamber of Commerce and started going to their events. I also started participating in my professional organizations’ social events and made the promise to myself that I would not turn down any social event I was invited to. To this day I have kept that promise.
I thought about what I liked to do in my non-working time. I joined a photography and architecture appreciation group and obtained the Arts Council events list. Before long I was having a wonderful time. It was worth cutting back on the work that I had crammed into my evenings in order to meet such lovely people.
Of course, I had to learn how to socialize again. Initially, I had to remind myself how to talk to people, I had become so immersed in technical speak. However, the exercises of role and speech rehearsal, of talking into a tape recorder, to the mirror and to my friends on interesting and amusing topics paid off. Even the saucy wiles of flirting became easier once I reminded myself how. Soon I was feeling more confident and able to meet and talk to people, even strangers, in a group setting (social events and parties), even one to one.
I am sure that you are thinking that it came easier to me because I am a Psychologist. Actually, you are wrong. It was just as hard putting the techniques that I taught others into practice for myself, because I was so rusty at it. Once I had got back into the habit of meeting and talking to people I was able to practice those skills until it became second nature. Anyone can do it. I know, because I have taught many other people how to become socially charismatic.
Afterwards I decided to put my experience and knowledge into an easy to read series of books called ‘Valentines Forever’. These three books are set out using a point-by-point approach to ways of overcoming the hurdles, personal and environmental that prevent people from having relationships. I have tried to be completely ‘gender free’ as everything that applies to women in these books also applies to men. I also take a step-by-step walk through ways to do things differently so as to achieve different results to those achieved previously, leading the reader towards understanding why things go wrong as well as how to put them right.
These books have been honestly written with a view to helping people who suffer on account of their relationships , saving them the need for expensive private sessions with a relationship counsellor.
‘Valentines Forever’ 1 – 50 Ways To Keep Your Lover, is all about improving relationship with one very special person. ‘Valentines Forever’ 11 – 50 Ways To Love family is geared towards improving your family relationships and overcoming early influences and relationship breakdowns that prevent you from leading a normal, happy life. ‘Valentines Forever’ 111 – 50 Ways To Meet And Keep Friends, covers the exercises and practices that I used to get my social life back on track and to enhance my own ‘pulling power’. All three books can also be used to mend and enhance relationships with work colleagues and to improve group or team communication too.
Together, I believe they are a powerful set of tools designed to help people with the way they relate to others around them, improving their lifestyle and quality of life plus their confidence and their state of mind on the way.
Author: Angela Saunders
The U.K’s Leading ‘Relationship Doctor’, can be found at: www.relationshiphotline.com
Your Relationship Help Starts Here.