Dating after divorce can be daunting. There is plenty of divorce advice out there, but what about after the divorce? It doesn’t seem so easy to jump right back into the dating world. You may not know how long to wait before dating again. You may be ready to get back out there and connect with someone, but it’s been a long time since your last date.
Well, all relationships have to start somewhere, and what better place to start than a first date? Having a successful conversation and connection on a first date can be just as much about the things you don’t say as the things you do. Here is a refresher course on the things you shouldn’t talk about on a first date.
Your ex was a large part of your life. Your ex is probably still part of your life now. But your ex ex doesn’t get to be a part of your first date. The future might hold a wonderful relationship for you and your date. Don’t let your ex get in the way of that.
Your terrible job
Talking about your career is a common part of first date conversation and getting to know one another. But try to keep it positive. Your date doesn’t want to hear about how you hate your job, hate your boss, or hate your cubicle – don’t bring that negative energy to what should be a positive evening. A person that loves their life is much more attractive than someone who hates how they spend their days.
Religion and politics
You always hear that you should avoid making small talk about religion and politics. It’s good advice. These topics are big and important to many people, and everyone has a different perspective. Religion and politics will certainly come up in conversation naturally, and that’s fine; if they’re important to your date, learning about their feelings will be great for deciding how well the two of you match. What’s important is that you are careful not to offend your date or disrespect their beliefs.
Money is another one of those topics that you should wait before bringing up. The longer you wait to find out how much your date makes, or vise-versa, the more time you have to form a real connection influenced by less outside factors like salary. Yes, it’s nice to date someone with money, but first make sure you both like each other for who you are.
Do you know what they call complaining without offering a solution? It’s called whining. And whining is a turn off.
This goes back to the idea of being positive. Positive thinking is sexy and attractive. The person sitting with you doesn’t need to know how long the lines at your favorite store were last week, or how your friend David has been a jerk lately. Don’t add unappetizing and unhealthy complaints to what could cook up to be a delicious romance.
Death is a dark subject. And bringing it up on date #1 can really drag down a conversation if it’s not handled with grace and maturity. If death comes up naturally, don’t try to hide it from the conversation, but don’t let it dominate the mood, either. When it’s appropriate, move past death to a more positive topic.
Stories your date doesn’t want to hear
Entertaining your date with a story is a great way to give them a snapshot of who you are. But make certain that you’re telling a story your date wants to hear. Before relaying your recent adventure, ask yourself these questions: Is this story about people my date doesn’t know, and will that make the story uninteresting? And will this story make sense to my date, or is it a “you had to be there” story?
The Perfect Conversation
There’s no right answer for what to talk about on a first date. But if you agree with me on the above items, there are at least a handful of things you shouldn’t talk about, or at least topics you should be careful around.
For my money, the best atmosphere, conversation, and connection come from two people being honest and open with each other on a date. It takes many of us a while to get into that type of comfort zone, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try. With some luck, you’ll make it to that elusive second date.