Or do you enjoy self-destruction?
It is human nature to look for a guilty party. More or less everyone has been there at least once in their life. Looking right now at my kids who are extremely unsatisfied with me for not allowing them to play on the computer as much as they want. I do not feel guilty while they consider me to be a bad guy.
Why don’t I feel guilty in this case? Because I know from my lifetime experience what brings which fruits. I am not a prophet to know everything, of course, but all of us do know certain things. We learn some lessons and can predict their consequences.
The time right after a divorce, when you are emotionally down, is the perfect time to worsen this condition. With all the stress behind, sad thoughts and negative aftertaste we often start to look for somebody who is wrong.
This accusation list might include parents, friends, your children, neighbors, the drought in the Sahara, penguins on strike, et cetera… Of course the number 1 in that list is your ex-spouse or…yourself.
Both extremely dangerous characters.
You may spend hours and days talking about how disgusting he or she was. Or hiding from everybody to punish yourself saying: “If I would behaved differently it wouldn’t have happened. If I were more attractive, if I were smarter…” If I were, if she or he was… et cetera, et cetera…
Stop this self-destruction now!
Do you want to move forward and find a new life after divorce or you prefer to stay here in this emotional gap forever?
You can not stay here. And the reason is simple – it does not bring you joy and hope. It does not satisfy you. And what is the answer? It is even more simple, to move forward to a new and better life.
Looking for who is wrong is a very big mistake.
Each personality is unique. You can not change somebody unless he or she wants to change. You can change yourself only if you really want to. Let your “ex” go. At the same time forgive yourself. If you are divorced, if this separation happened, find strength to respect yourself, to recover and to move forward. You will be rewarded, no doubt.