You and the person you are dating have really stated to get comfortable with each other. Slowly but surely you are sharing more details of your life. Neither of you have been scared off yet, so you take that as a good sign.
Then in the midst of one of those wonderful evening the conversation turns to people you have previously gone out with. Your date goes first and mentions a couple of people. Their assessment is for the most part is fair and balanced. They talk about the good and bad in a calm rational manner. Too bad the same cannot be said for you. When it gets to be your turn, you go off. You rip into your ex like there is no tomorrow. They were this that and the other thing; none of it good. Your ex was hateful, spiteful, deceitful and then you really said how you felt.
And no during the middle of your tirade you did not imagine that funny look your date had on their face. Nor did you imagine how after it was over a certain coldness and distance started to creep into the current relationship.
Why is it not a good idea to trash your ex?
1. Bad Lighting
Going off regardless of what happened in your previous relationship only makes you look bad. Let’s face it your date does not know your ex. They only have your word to go on. If all they hear is anger and bitterness that reflects on you more than your ex.
2. That Could Be Them
Yes that thought can easily creep into their mind. There is no guarantee that you two are going to stay together. So if things do not work out are you going to go around trashing them? They may think that it’s better to end the relationship now so they do not provide you with any more ammunition than you already have.
3. No Control
Watching you work yourself into a rage may open some doors of thought that were previously locked. For instance your date may figure if talking about your ex can cause you to lose control, then what else is lurking in the shadows? Are you a control freak, a verbal abuser or do you like to get physical when things do not go your way. That’s not to say that you are any of those things but seeing you throw a fit about your ex can get your date to thinking about things you definitely do not want them to think about.
Regardless of how rotten your ex was the best thing you can do is keep it to yourself. If the subject comes up stay calm and detached. Be truthful but keep it as brief as possible and avoid descriptions that are too colorful. As much as possible, let the past remain where it is.